whiskey named you
by aegeancoast
Summary: Hoseok looked at me with eyes glistening, his stern face had erased any traces of his usual sunny smile that you were so used to. He was disappointed. You could just tell. It was something in his eyes, something so familiar to you that its absence made your heart sting. You truthfully never wanted it all to get this far. (hoseok, yoongi, reader)
1. prologue

Hoseok looked at me with eyes glistening, his stern face had erased any traces of his usual sunny smile that you were so used to. He was disappointed. You could just tell. It was something in his eyes, something so familiar to you that its absence made your heart sting. You truthfully never wanted it all to get this far and only now you slowly began to realize how much you had been fighting with each other, how many times the reasons had been unnecessary small things. But this time was different. You barely found time for each other these days and if you did, both of you ended up in an argument. It made you mad. It made him mad. To the point of no ending frustration. But he was still the light of your life.

"It's best if you leave now.", he had turned away his gaze from you, his voice low and quiet. Now there was no point in denying or fighting against it anymore. You grabbed your bag without another word and left his apartment, forcing yourself to hold back your sobbing while you felt your eyes tear up. Only after you had shut the door behind you and quickly walked through the hallway to the elevator you broke down and started crying, clutching onto your phone. It felt as if everything had been your fault and even though the both of you hated arguments and fights, you still could do nothing to prevent them. His schedule had slowly gotten so packed, it left no more space for you or anything else except for more work and lately even the time you spent together had always held a strange aura of tension and negative attitudes. No matter how often you let the matter go through your head, replayed every scenario where something went wrong, you could not find the cause. You wanted this to work. And you were sure, he did too. Just as much as you.

When you reached the entrance hall of the apartment, you stopped on the street for a moment, just wanting to catch the air of the cold night breeze for a moment. You unlocked your phone.

[11:20pm] **You:** We had a fight again.

 _*sent*_

Even just breathing out seemed painful to you. You just felt lost. Whenever you were in a bad situation, whenever you had a really bad argument with Hoseok, you reminded yourself of all the happy, good memories you had come to share in all these years and you made sure you never forgot them. He had never forgotten you, no matter how rough his days had been, in the end he always came back into your arms. Even just small moments… like softly playing with his hair while he falls asleep on your lap were enough to remind you of how much you loved him. So why the hell could you just not make it work? Your phone vibrated in your pocket.

 _1 unread message_

You had reached the subway station to make your way back home. It was already late at night and every bit of peace or happiness inside yourself seemed completely vanished. It happened rarely that you felt this upset after a fight. You quickly tried to dry your remaining tears while getting on the subway train, sitting down in the almost empty carriage. You pulled your phone out finally, to check the message you had almost forgotten about.

[11:35pm] **Min Yoongi:** shit. are you okay?

[11:36] **You:** i guess so. i don't know. I feel numb.

[11:40] **Min Yoongi:** if you need someone to talk to, i have time.

You stared at his text. Yoongi was the only one you really kept close touch with and the one you had known even longer than Hoseok. He always had been there for you, but what were your tiny dumb problems in contrast to everything he was dealing with now with them all being overworked and busy in his studio most of the time? You locked your phone and sighed. You knew, you'd only feel guilty if you accepted his offer now. Your phone vibrated in your hand a small moment later and you stared at your display.

[11:42] **Min Yoongi:** I meant it. You can come over if you want to talk

You bit your lip. It had been a while since you had seen Yoongi so why did you even hesitate? Sitting alone at home would make you feel even more miserable than you were doing now. You knew that Yoongi cared about you a lot, him to be worried about you was the last thing you wanted right now. And you did not even dare to think about texting Hoseok after what had just happened between both of you. When Hoseok got angry or upset you knew, he would be _really_ angry to a point it sometimes scared you. Every emotion seemed to be more intense with him.

[11:49] **You:** I'll be there in 15 minutes.


	2. as the sun sets 1

As you made your way out of the empty subway station, it felt as if with every step you took, you started to feel even worse. It was as if someone had cut off an imaginary body part. So, here you were, bleeding out, spilling blood red tears as you climbed up the stairs to reach the surface of the dark night embracing you kindly. You hated yourself for it but secretly, you still wished for Hoseok to message you, to call you and try to make things right– but you knew that it was most unlikely to happen. It was merely a nice dream, a fantasy that you should have already given up but still painfully clinched to. Besides, you were not even sure if this all solely had been his fault, that you both now were in this mess of a situation and you were slowly past the point of caring anymore about who had started what. You just wanted everything to be okay again.  
You sighed, a cigarette dangling from your lips as you walked along the Han river, slowly approaching Yoongi's house. Smoking had always been something Hoseok had deemed a bad habit, a toxic trait and at the end of the day it seemed almost ironic. At one point, being angry at each other, fighting, cursing– wasn't that just another bad habit, just like smoking? Wasn't it simply a twisted way of slowly poisoning yourself?

You were very well aware of the fact that besides Hoseok, neither did Yoongi liked to see you smoke, even if you rarely did. As the gate opened, you saw his small frame at the door, dim lights illuminating the path. Even though he smiled, you could see that he was shaking his head with a disappointed expression on his face.

"Really? Right at my doorstep? You're brave.", he chuckled lightly, head low. You stretched out your arms as if you wanted a hug (well, to be fair, you could have definitely needed a hug right now). You just nodded while walking up to him, cigarette still burning. The smoke began to sting in your eyes.

"Yep. I'm sorry but I really needed this. You shouldn't be mad at me for this one, Yoongi, besides that would make the total count of people being pissed at me already a two. I can barely handle one, as we both see.", you almost had to laugh at the bitter statement you had just made. But how could you ignore the truth? The ashes falling from your cigarette landed on your coat, small white spots, like chalk.

"Aaah, don't worry about it.." he mumbled almost too quietly for you to hear, if you hadn't been standing right next to him now. He waved it away, gesturing that he had only meant it as a joke anyways.

You blew out smoke for the last time before putting out the cigarette while Yoongi raised his eyebrows at you, arms crossed over his slightly oversized black sweater. You both finally sat down on his giant couch while he brought a bottle of red wine and two wine glasses with him, carefully setting them down at the table next to you both.  
"What's this?", you asked clearly looking amused. It caught you off-guard clearly.

"Oh please, don't act as if you wouldn't want this right now. I'm starting to believe that I know you better than yourself sometimes."

"Well– Technically–"

He cut you off.

"–Technically, I'm right and you know it. Besides, this is vintage and I know that you love wine. I knew I still had this one somewhere and now I can put it to use, together with my _miserable_ friend over here", he uncorked the red wine while looking in your direction with a big grin on his face. Damn. You had forgotten how cheeky he sometimes could get but you couldn't deny that you enjoyed his company even more than you had remembered and for a moment, you had almost forgotten your terrible fight with Hoseok, only hours ago.

After finishing to fill up your glass, Yoongi leaned back, blankly staring at you for a moment. His mouth slightly opened– you knew he was thinking how he could form the words that were about to leave his lips.

"So, what exactly happened? If you want to tell me, of course. I don't really feel as if I'm on the latest update about you two anyway."

You felt a sharp stinging inside your heart. It was not that you had not been prepared for that question since you came here– after all that was the reason why you visited him, was it not? So why did this question almost made you choke up the wine you had tried to gulp down? Why did it make you break out in cold sweat? Why was this the one thing, you so not wanted to talk about, if you were here because of it? It was as if the paradox inside your heart had put a rope around your neck which now began to tighten, leaving you unable to speak. For a moment, you just stared at a distant point somewhere, while awkward silence began to fill the room.

"I actually don't even know if we are still together.", it suddenly spilled out of you. And these words alone were enough to make you tear up again, your sight blurry, eyes burning. You tried to rub them, as if the smoke of a cigarette had caught your eye, but there was nothing there except your wet tears.

Yoongi did not look at you and you did not look at him and you were thankful for that. He just knew. To be completely honest, eye contact, or even the feeling of someone staring at you would have made it all worse. You could see his chest rise from the corner of your eye, he must have been sighing. After a long break of silence, Yoongi spoke up softly.

"If he makes you cry this much, if you only find yourselves struggling with each other, how is all that pain making it worth for you to continue fighting?"

You couldn't deny that whenever you had tried to seek advice from Yoongi, everything he said was always so carefully thought through. You couldn't even describe the feeling you got, but you felt comforted by him whenever you needed it the most. Not to forget the obvious fact, that you had tried to avoid for so long in your own mind; how is this all still worth fighting for?

"I don't know. I j–just don't know anymore–", you were still crying, unable to suppress the sob which left your lips as you tried to answer him. You hated to feel this weak. You hated to question the relationship you had believed to be so perfect for all this time, when now you realized that you had tricked your own mind, over and over, with the same sweet lie. As Yoongi saw that you began to shake from crying, he set down his glass and slid right next to you. In the same second in which he opened your arms for you, your body already leaned down to fall into them– the only place you felt safe in tonight. "Please don't cry...", you heard Yoongi whisper as he slowly lulled you, his arms hugging you while your head was buried in his sweater.

Your phone vibrated next to you, screen lighting up. Yoongi was the first to notice, but he did not react. And you did not raise your head to check the message you had just gotten, still buried in his chest.

[12:50] **Hobi ?:** i need a break from all this. i'm sorry

 **a/n: weeeeeell. guess i just dropped a bomb there :') LMAO I'M SORRY. it's so hard to put baby sunshine in that tough position. but i really enjoyed writing this part. please give me some feedback/comment/vote/react whatever you find suitable 3 thank you.**


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